As soon as I was diagnosed I immediately dreaded losing my hair.  I’ve had long hair most of my life & I liked it.  I worried what my children would think, how would I explain it to them?  I worried how I would look bald, I really had no idea & it wasn’t something I wanted to see to be honest!  I remember as a teenager, having a bad hair day, I’d yell that I wanted to just shave my head.  Was it time to eat my words now so many years later?  I honestly wondered…

My doctors said I would begin losing my hair after the second treatment, a couple of weeks in.   The day I went in for my second treatment, I was feeling positive & I still had all of my hair fully intact, none had yet begun to fall out.

The next morning I awoke to find my pillow literally covered in hair.  In the shower it came out in clumps, I spent the majority of my time focused on stopping it from going down the drain.  I’ll admit that I cried like a baby in the shower that morning.  I let myself have a good healthy cry & then sucked it up, this was my reality; this was what was happening.  I needed to make the best of it, learn from it & move on.

The next night I cut my hair shorter so at least the strands falling out would be a little less devastating.  It was sad pulling a long hair from my shirt & then another & another & so on… It was a constant reminder & extremely depressing.

I had explained to my children in advance that I was going to be taking medicine that was really important because it’s going to help keep me healthy for a long time.  I let them know that it would also make my hair fall out, so mom was going to be bald & rocking some wigs & hats for a while until the hair grows back.  They were a little sad & surprised, but as soon as I told them they could help shave my head when it started to fall out, they were very excited for the new development!   I felt if they were a part of the process, it would be less traumatic for them & instead make it fun.  I also thought it might help me to be stronger through the shaving, which was a big scary step for me!

Initially I dreaded shaving my head.  That changed quickly after watching it slowly fall out over the next two days!  We made it a family event, my husband & kids did the shaving.  My two year old son yelled, “I love it!  I love it!” through the whole process, which was certainly encouraging!  My husband had been excited to see what I’d look like bald, so he enjoyed the process as well.  They definitely helped me be strong through that difficult part of my journey.   They showed they loved me with or without my hair; I was still me no matter what cancer has done to change me physically.

Once my head had been shaved, it was much more comfortable, though the very short hair that remained hurt my now overly sensitive scalp.  It hurt when I laid my head on a pillow or the back of a chair, it hurt to wash it, to dry it with a towel & to wear a hat or wig.  Once the hair loss finally stopped, I found the sensitivity improved as well.  Some opt to shave the head clean with a razor, which can help to minimize the sensitivity more quickly as well.

I find it ironic & unfair that while the hair on my head fell out so quickly, the hair on my legs has not yet stopped growing!  As a woman going through chemo & having to lose my hair I had searched for silver linings & this was going to be a big one for me!  It does grow back slower, but it I am sad to say that it does return for me, with just now one treatment left to go.  The hair on my underarms has however remained gone, which I am appreciative of especially now being tank top season.

Eyebrows & eyelashes are typically lost through chemo as well.  So far, I’ve lost the majority of my eyebrows & I have just minimal lashes still fighting to hang on for dear life.  Most likely by the time I’m completed with my final treatment, the majority of the remainder will be gone as well.  Thank goodness for good make up & false lashes to combat this one!

Eyebrows also serve a function that I hadn’t paid much attention to until I was missing them.  In the shower, when you wash your hair or mostly bald head in my case… Your eyebrows stop a certain amount of water & soap from running down directly into your eyes.  Missing eyebrows makes that part of the shower a little more challenging & I have to be careful to keep my eyes closed & tip my head back farther.  Maybe I should just start using my children’s tear free shampoo instead.

Here’s a funny one… Nose hair… you take it for granted!  I hadn’t realized its importance until I experienced my first runny nose after losing my hair.  My bare nose runs with urgency, it doesn’t drip like normal, it pours because there’s nothing to slow it down!  I must have tissues handy at all times, I carry them in my purse, they are in basically every room in my house & I have a box in my car.

I really enjoy wearing hats & scarves & having fun with different wigs.  While I miss throwing my hair up in my go-to messy-bun, I certainly don’t miss bad hair days.   My shower time is faster since I don’t have long hair to wash, rinse, condition & rinse.  I don’t miss untangling it after or blow drying which was so time consuming.

So while losing my hair has been somewhat traumatic, it really hasn’t been as bad as I anticipated it to be.  At times, it’s almost felt empowering.  The hair will grow back & usually thicker than before.  Sometimes it’s even a different color so I’m curious to see what happens & really look forward to finding out!

*Corresponding posts to follow soon: Tips to help cope with chemo hair loss & Wig Tutorial for beginners