My journey with cancer begins in January of 2015 with a small red spot in the center of my chest.  I remember first seeing it after taking a shower.  Although odd, I didn’t think much of it.  I was young at only 35, a very active father of two children and considered myself to be in good health.  I thought little of it and went on with my busy life.  Over the next 4 months, new spots started appearing and as the spots got larger I could feel lumps under the spots.  I was also losing weight and not sleeping well, although at the time I didn’t connect any of these symptoms together.  In April of 2015 I finally decided to make an appointment with my doctor.

My primary physician referred me to a dermatologist who suggested a biopsy.  It was a simple procedure done right in the doctor’s office.  It was another couple of weeks before the results came back.  The doctor called on a Thursday afternoon while I was in the office; the results indicated I had a form of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  I was shocked, I had convinced myself that it was just a reaction to something or maybe calcium deposits which I’ve had in the past.  But no, I had Cancer. 

I am not an emotional man, coming from a family of 11 kids, 8 of which are boys, and being a US Army Veteran; I have learned to keep my emotions to myself. Until this moment in my adult life I had only cried twice, at my wedding watching my soon to be wife walk down the aisle and the moment my first child was born; both times out of joy.  I cried that day, not for myself, but for my family.  My family is everything to me, and I knew this would hurt them. The timing could not have been worse (not that there ever is a good time for a cancer diagnosis).  My Birthday and Mother’s Day fell back to back on the approaching weekend.  My wife had worked to make plans for my birthday and I the same for her on Mother’s Day.  This news would surely take all of the joy from our celebrations.  I decided to wait to tell her, or anybody else.  My wife tells me I should have told her, and she’s probably right, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything, the kids and Michelle were enjoying themselves so much.

As the weekend progressed, and I processed what was happening, I collected myself and prepared myself to move on. This was just another problem, like any other problem I had faced in my life, and I would face it the same.  Identify the problem, formulate a solution to the problem, and then execute the solution.  Plan for success and deal with failure is a mantra I try to live my life by.  It was a great weekend; my birthday went off without a hitch and Michelle had a wonderful relaxing Mother’s Day.  I even convinced my wife to get a hamster for our daughter from a local pet expo.

On the following Monday I told my wife the results of the biopsy.  She was loving and supportive telling me what I already knew.  Together we can get through anything.  We decided not to say anything to the kids until we had to.  And managed to go through my entire treatment without ever saying the word cancer in front of our children.

The next couple months were filled with more biopsies, tests and scans.  In the meantime, we began discussing treatment options with my doctors.  The two oncologists I was seeing had a difference of opinion over the exact subtype of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma that I have.  It was suggested by one of the doctors that I try a “watch and wait” approach.  This approach made no sense to me.  I had been “watching” this cancer spread from my chest to my arms and back for six months now and it had been stressful.  I didn’t want to “wait” any longer, every morning I looked in the mirror and was reminded of the worries and uncertainty the future may hold.  I wanted to start fighting back now. 

The doctors told me there was no cure for my cancer and that my battle would be a lifelong one.  I was ready for the fight, I had my family’s support and a positive attitude.  Eventually more testing determined the exact subtype of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma that I had & I  started immunotherapy treatments in August of 2015.

I handled the treatments well and the side effects were tolerable.  I was extremely tired the day of treatment and for maybe a day or two following.  I continued to lose weight, at my lightest I weighed less than 130 lbs, and developed joint pain that got progressively worse as the treatments went on.  My legs get very restless as well.

The first couple of treatments were the most difficult.  Due to the potential for adverse reactions, the first infusions are done very slowly.  Unfortunately, I still developed a reaction to the treatment.  Shortly after the infusion began, I began to feel itchy and asked my wife if she could scratch my back.  She lifted my shirt and gasped, almost my entire upper body was covered in huge, red hives.   They stopped the infusion immediately and switched over to IV antihistamine to treat the reaction.  Once everything seemed under control they began the immunotherapy infusion again at a slower rate, taking more than eight hours to complete the first treatment.  Treatment days continued to be an all-day affair but they were able to control the reactions during the remainder of the treatments.

At the end of my treatments I was feeling great.  I even felt a bit lucky, the side effects weren’t horrible, the small tumors had faded away and the large ones were getting smaller every day.  I hadn’t lost my hair or had to undergo any surgeries.  At my appointment a couple weeks following treatment I even heard the words every cancer patient hopes for.  Remission.  Well Partial Remission for me, but I’ll take it.  The tumors had mostly gone away and I was happy, life was good.  My Wife and I with our two wonderful children were ready for move on with our lives.  But we were in for another shock…

In February of 2016 my wife was diagnosed with Stage 2B Breast Cancer.  My wife’s cancer was more aggressive than mine and treatment started very quickly.  Again I thought my world was collapsing.  Michelle is so much more than just my wife.  She is my best friend, my partner in life and the mother of my children. She is my everything.  I could not see a future without Michelle by my side.

After collecting myself, after again processing a second cancer diagnosis, I had so many questions.  How can this be happening to both of us, hadn’t we had already been through enough?  How will my kids handle it a second time, they see Dad as a tough guy that isn’t afraid of anything, but this time it’s Mom.  I was filled with so much worry.

Thankfully my wife and children are amazing, and I needn’t had worried.  As a family we looked for the positive and enjoyed life.   In March My wife had bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction.  After healing from surgery she began chemotherapy, and following chemotherapy, she underwent radiation which she just finished last month.

My wife is the most amazing person I have ever known.  All though my treatments she took care of me and our family.  And all though her own cancer treatments, she still took care of our family.  My wife is an amazing mom, wonderful wife and my best friend.

As if that weren’t all enough, in June my cancer unfortunately relapsed.  After new tests and scans my doctors believe the same cancer has returned.  This wasn’t completely unexpected; my wife and I were prepared for this possibility.
My treatment will be similar this time, but much longer.  I completed weekly treatments in an effort to stop and shrink the current tumor growth.  I will now continue to receive treatments every other month for three years and we’ll reassess at that point.

Sometimes people  will ask me how I can maintain such a positive outlook during such difficult times. The answer is always the same. My wife Michelle and my kids are what keep me positive. If ever I find myself feeling down I need only look to my family.  The joy and love they bring to my life is all I need to put a smile on my face and remind me, Life is good.  In spite of it all, we’re still as strong and positive as ever.  Cancer has been hard on our family but it has made us stronger and for that we are grateful.

All photos taken by #clickforhope ♥