Raising two children has been the most important & challenging aspect of my life.  Obviously, I want to do everything possible to ensure they’re growing into respectful, kind & intelligent little humans.  There are so many obstacles, expectations & pressures to be the best & have the best of everything.

In addition to the standard challenges of parenting, imagine raising two small children while not only one, but both parents go through cancer treatment.  This was the reality in our home for more than a year.  Cancer itself, has been a reality in our home for going on three years now.

Brian’s initial diagnosis came in 2015 & was quite possibly the most difficult part of our entire cancer process.  It was so new at the time & we were understandably in complete shock.  Terrified what the future held & questioning how to approach the diagnosis with our children, who were just two & four at the time.  I struggled to hold everything together through his treatments, fearing my sweet children could lose their dad, a thought that literally brought me to my knees.

Of course, we made it through.  He underwent eight rounds of chemo & was in remission by August.  We were lucky his chemo doesn’t cause hair-loss, so we were able to get through that portion with very little explanation to the kids.  They only knew that dad had been sick, but would get better.  

The treatment took a toll on his immune system however & he was hospitalized with chest pain & difficulty breathing in September.  We went from celebrating his remission to a new concern of lung cancer.  Putting our fears to rest we learned it was instead, a severe infection, his remissions status remained thankfully.  As soon as he’d fully recovered, we felt like cancer champions ready to take on anything.  Or so we thought…

Our kids, 2015, finding amusement playing at the hospital courtyard  during their dad’s stay there.

Our family, relieved to rule our lung cancer, the day before Brian was released from the hospital.

Shortly after, in November, I noticed a pretty prominent lump in my left breast.  I’d never really kept up with regular self-breast exams but this one was prominent enough to catch my attention when I wasn’t looking.  I was worried, but with the holidays quickly approaching & considering all my family had just been through, I stupidly opted to do nothing until the new year. 

In February 2016, I was diagnosed with stage 2B invasive ductal carcinoma.  I learned my treatment would be much more invasive than my husbands.  Including major surgery, reconstruction, chemo, radiation, followed by ten years of hormone therapy.  They anticipated I’d had cancer for approximately two years.  I wondered, how this could even be possible?  I felt fine, tired like any mom working full time but that was just normal, wasn’t it?  Everything was a whirlwind from there.

It was difficult recovering from surgery with the kids.  I had bilateral mastectomy with DIEP flap reconstruction.  Translation: they removed both breasts & my mom-tummy as I prefer to call it, which they then used to fill new breasts made of my own natural tissues.  Kind of a silver lining if there is one in all of this, but super invasive with a difficult recovery.  Also, not really something I felt I could explain to my kids… “Hey guys, mom had her breasts & tummy lobbed off & now these new breasts are filled with my old tummy.  Now run along & play, mom needs to rest.” 

Instead, we kept it honest but vague, saying simply, “Mom had surgery.” without elaboration.  They obviously didn’t fully understand why mom was in this state & why they couldn’t sit on my lap or hug me like they desperately wanted, it honestly broke my heart. 

After recovering from surgery, I had my port installed & began chemo.  As I was going through chemo, Brian noticed new lumps on his skin & we became concerned his cancer had returned.  Unbelievably, it had & he began a new treatment cycle.  Four treatments weekly at first, followed by a three-year maintenance plan of chemo every other month. 

October 2016, accompanying my husband to his treatment (his doesn’t make his hair fall out) while my own hair was coming back in from mine!  This was my first time ever leaving the house without a wig!

My 4th chemo. It was during this time Brian was going through his diagnosis for recurrence.

There were days we’d drop the kids off at school, then head to the cancer center together.  I’d sit with him through some of his chemo, then head downstairs for my radiation treatment & then back up to finish his treatment.  We share the same oncologist now & have even had appointments together.  I’m all about doing new things with my husband but going to treatment & oncology appointments together seemed less than ideal.  Kind of gives the term power-couple new meaning huh?  Glowing with radioactivity & chemo meds!  

September 2016, my husbands first treatment for recurrence, following remission in 2015.

Me getting radiation the same day as his 1st treatment!

We try not to use the C-word with the kids.  My fear was that they would hear of a friend who’d lost a loved one to cancer, causing them to worry that mom or dad could be on the same path.  Death, is not a worry we felt our kids should be taking on, this was not their load to bare.  “My mommy & daddy have cancer” are words I never in my worst nightmares imagined my kids would say…

I knew going into parenthood there would inevitably be a lot of explaining & endless questions to answer.  But how do you explain why mom’s hair is falling out by the handful?  How do you explain a port to a child or its purpose?  How do you explain the contraption on mom’s arm (Neulasta Onpro) with the flashing light, that beeps & clicks?  How do you explain why you haven’t been to work in months & instead spend your days at constant appointments & trips to the hospital?  How on earth do you maintain honesty & explain these things without scaring the you-know-what out of them?

My approach was to explain simply & with a positive spin whenever possible.  The port was a good thing, so mommy could get medicine more easily to make her better.  The medicine that was going to make mom better, would also make her hair fall out for a little while.  But, it would grow back soon & probably even better than before!  The Neulasta, while annoying, saved me a trip to the doctor & allowed me to get more rest so that the meds could do their best work.

We tried to maintain as much normalcy in their lives as possible through our treatments.  No matter how miserable I felt, I got up every single morning through all stages of my treatment & got my children ready for school just as I always had.  I put makeup on almost every day, it helped me put on my best face for my family & was an important factor in still feeling like myself when everything else about me felt foreign. 

Madi had no school & tagged along for daddy’s 4th treatment in October. She’s the best cheerleader there ever was!

As of now, our kids are four & seven.  They know dad has cancer & mommy had it, you can only hide it for so long… they are smart, they see & hear more than we realize.  They know that cancer may have slowed us down from time to time, but it will never stop us because we are stronger.   We will never give up & we will always fight for them.  Most of all they know love, true strength & what it means to stay positive in the face of adversity.

Ringing in 2018 as a family, that will one day, be cancer free!

Happy New Year!! Happy kids make mom & dad happy!