Admittedly I was a little nervous returning to work after eight long months of treatment & recovery.  I had been gone for so much longer than I had ever expected.  So much had changed both at work & within myself as well. 

I will say first, that I’m extremely blessed to work for such a wonderful company, who have taken such good care of both my husband & myself through this all.  They kept my job for me, even after I had exceeded the standard medical leave.  I realize not all of us are so lucky & I am truly grateful to work for such a great organization.

While I’m a pretty confident outgoing person, on the opposite side of the spectrum I’m generally not a huge fan of the attention when returning to work after maternity leave, even vacation or new hair cut…  At least with maternity leave, you come back with a sweet new baby to rave about though.  This was going to be a return of a whole new nature.  Kind of the same mentality I have about opening gifts in front of people, I just don’t feel very comfortable doing it, but I will if I must, I mean I do still like gifts of course!

So going in initially was a bit overwhelming, I found myself getting hot & anxious a lot, but it was all also wonderful at the same time!  It was so good to see everyone again & so many people who I didn’t think had really cared that I was gone, made a point to come seek me out & deliver a nice warm welcome hug.  I received several gifts & cards, it was a very warm welcome to say the least & made me happy to be back.

My department is wonderful & of course had breakfast goodies & orange juice with a nice “Michelle Welcome Back” sign & balloons.  It felt oddly good to be at my desk again after all this time.  Since I had adjusted to my laptop at home over the course of treatment, my monitor at work feels like a television, I had forgotten how big it is lol.

I was concerned that chemo brain may hold me back as I return, but everything is slowly coming back like second nature.  I’ll attempt to start a task thinking I don’t remember exactly how to do it, but have been able to find my way thus far.  I have been doing my job for more than 12 years now, so it’s all coming back like riding a bike.

Getting dressed each morning has posed a bit of a challenge as well.  My body has obviously changed a lot through surgery & I lost a little weight after through chemo & radiation.  Followed by my own efforts to reduce my body fat in hopes of improving my lymphedema & preventing weight gain from the tamoxifen as well.  As I went through treatment I would pick up a pair of jeans & a top here or there, not yet factoring my professional attire needed for work into the equation.  When the time came to get ready for work it was a bit of a challenge, but I’m slowly rebuilding my wardrobe, which is fun because I love to shop. For anything.

You want to talk about a lot happening within your company over the course of 8 months?  One coworker actually won the lottery & I mean the big one, I can’t say much more than that, but good for them!  Some retired, one so tragically passed away & coworkers of all levels moved on, some replaced & some still not. 

So much within my department had changed as well, so I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect.  0ne of my employees had resigned & moved on while I was away, leaving my manager to hire a replacement in my absence.  Thankfully I’m more than happy with the choice & have been pleased to find everything still running along smoothly in the department. 

Not only has my staff changed but my manager changed as well.  Thankfully it’s someone I’ve worked with very closely over the years & we have an excellent working relationship making it an easy & welcome transition.  Being a believer in everything happening for a reason, I truly feel as though all these changes have made for an easier return for me.

They’ve allowed me to start slowly & gradually increase the workload I’m taking back on.  I spent my first week catching up on literally more than 15,000 emails (& that’s with people knowing I’m out of the office!), getting myself organized again & making plans for my department through this transitional period. 

Have there been awkward moments?  Yes, absolutely!  There are a lot of new hires who don’t realize why I’ve been out.  I’ve had some ask where I get my hair done or comment on how great it always looks.  Then I must break it to them that it’s a wig & I can’t quite take credit.  And while I do probably have enough hair to go sans the wigs, I just don’t quite feel comfortable yet, but I will get there.  At that point some may just think I’ve gotten a major hair cut & I’ll have some more explaining to do, but it comes with the territory I suppose.

It’s been exhausting & will take time for my body to get used to all of this again.  I went to bed around 7pm on the first day & on the second I skipped dinner all together heading straight to bed at 6:30.  The third day was more successful, I making it until 9pm & on the fourth day even forced myself to run 3.5 miles on the treadmill before bed, keeping me up until 10pm.  The second week back I managed to get onto the treadmill more nights than not, so it’s definite progress.  Slowly I feel like my energy is coming back & I know I’ll get there so long as I continue to hydrate, eat right & keep my activity level up.

Overall it feels amazing to get back into my old routine & see all the familiar faces I had missed so much these last eight months.  I’m lucky to be alive & lucky to have a good job to return to with employees, coworkers & management who care.  Most of all, I am happy to be a contributing member of our society once again!  I believe that cancer made me stronger & better in the grand scheme of things.  I feel like I can take on anything at this point!