After my diagnosis I thought I would have options as to the type of surgery for removal of the cancer.  Early on, my tumor appeared small & was thought to be caught early from the initial mammogram & ultrasound.  As it turns out the tumor was dumbbell shaped & the lump that I felt was actually the very end of the tumor, which was later found to extended back nearly 5cm in length & they estimate it was growing approximately 2 years.

We initially thought I’d have the option of a lumpectomy or mastectomy; which translates to removal of the lump versus removal of the entire breast.  However, based on the size & time the tumor had been growing, it was eventually recommended I have a full mastectomy.  Also taking into consideration the cancer began as ductal carcinoma & had become invasive; meaning the cancer began in the milk duct & progressed into the surrounding breast tissue & as we eventually learned, the lymph nodes as well.

The next decision we thought I would make, was whether to leave the right breast alone, or if I had a mastectomy on the left I may want to proactively remove the right as well.  If my genetic testing indicated an increased risk of breast cancer it meant I would have a higher chance of it returning, so it may be wise to remove the other breast to further reduce that risk.  An MRI shortly after showed another mass in the right breast however.  Based on that alone it was recommended I remove the right breast as well.  My genetic testing confirmed the decision shortly after, showing a positive mutation linked with increased risk of breast & colon cancer.  At this point, we didn’t want to waste time with another biopsy on the right mass; it was decided I go in for surgery ASAP.

It’s odd because, in the beginning, when I thought these choices were my own to make, I wracked my brain about what to do.  At some points, I almost wished the decision would be made for me so I didn’t have the pressure of making the choice myself, therefore eliminating any possibility that I make the wrong choice.  It was very conflicting, because once the decision was made for me, I felt as though the control had been taken from me, which made me feel a powerless & weakened in a way.  But the decision was no longer mine to make.  I had to accept it so that I could prepare for surgery & quickly.

For reconstruction, I had the option of implants or a flap procedure.  I wasn’t too keen on the implant idea based on the potential for my body to reject the foreign material although rare, as well as the maintenance in needing to have the implant replaced in approximately 10 years.  Also for the implant surgery they first place a tissue expander into the breast area, which is inflated over the course of a week or two, followed by the actual implant.  I felt like this was essentially adding another surgery, making this avenue a little less appealing for me as well.

The flap procedure is essentially a tummy tuck using the removed tummy tissue to build new breasts.  Having had two children, this was an exciting option that I hadn’t heard of before.  The breasts are natural feeling since they’re reconstructed from your own tissue & there’s potential of restoring feeling in the breasts, whereas with implants that’s more unlikely.  The recovery time is longer, but after having two C-sections, a tummy tuck procedure honestly didn’t scare me.  To me this option seemed a better fit, with the added bonus of a tummy tuck.  I’ve always got my eye out for those silver linings.

My breast surgeon promptly set a date for the bilateral mastectomy but advised it would be unlikely my plastic surgeon would be able to clear the same date on such short notice. The flap procedure requires lengthy microsurgery to reconnect blood vessels & restore blood flow to the tissue. I was very fortunate however & through a small miracle was able to have both procedures in conjunction.

I was ready for surgery, I was ready to get the cancer out of my body.  I couldn’t believe it had been growing inside me for two years, I felt violated.  My breast burned & itched frequently where the lump was; a reminder of what was going on inside of me & I wanted it gone.

We left for the hospital on a Monday morning at 4:15am.  I had a scan to map the blood vessels & was promptly prepped for surgery, then placed in a surgical waiting room.  My breast surgeon, plastic surgeon & anesthesiologist all visited to chat before surgery, which really helped me to feel more comfortable going into it all.

I was taken to the surgical room shortly after, stopping on the way for a quick relaxer from my anesthesiologist.  I don’t remember much more once in the actual room, except it was much smaller than the rooms where I had my previous C-sections.  They positioned me on the table & had me lay my arms to the sides; that’s my last memory before going under.  The mastectomies took a couple of hours & in addition 15 lymph nodes were removed, followed by reconstruction which took 7-8 hours.  My surgery was completed around 7pm.

Due to the reattachment of the blood vessels, they must be monitored constantly to ensure proper reperfusion of blood supply.  I had five tubes with JP drains attached, one from each hip, one on the right breast & two on the left.  These allowed excess fluid to drain from the surgical sites.  I stayed in the ICU for four nights, going home on Friday.

My care was tremendous during my stay, the nurses were attentive, my breast surgeon visited the day following surgery & my plastic surgeon checked on me every morning as well.  My breast navigator also visited, who was assigned to me early on in my diagnosis.  She coordinated my appointments & provided all of my pre-procedure instructions.  She was a tremendous asset to my process.  She brought a heart shaped pillow to help keep the seat belt off my surgical sites on the ride home, as well as a lanyard to attach my drains to if I didn’t want to pin them to my clothing & it was great for pinning them for showers.

Ah yes showers, not something I was able to utilize during my stay, needless to say I was happy I had packed a bag full of wipes, deodorant, dry shampoo, etc..  I was so happy to go home, shower & feel somewhat human again!  As human as you can feel with a fresh scar covering my tummy basically hip to hip, scars covering both breasts with big blank circles where my nipples once were & tubes coming out of every which way ending in drains filled with a lovely colored pink fluid all over.  I pretty much felt like a monster…

My husband helped me prepare for my first shower by covering my surgical sites & where the drain tubes were sewn in.  I was sitting on the bathroom counter & turned to see the reflection of my back in the mirror.  I was amazed to see that I still looked like a normal person from that side.  I didn’t let the monster feeling discourage me though.  The tubes & drains were removed soon enough, the scars have faded & will continue to fade with time, my doctor did excellent stich work.  I’ll eventually have tattoos in place of nipples & feel like a normal woman again.  The scars will show my battle, they will tell my story.  They are what have kept me alive & removed the cancer from my body, I can certainly live with that.

The day I was released from the hospital, 4 nights & no shower, this is as real as it gets! My husband actually put my hair in a pony tail for me, I couldn’t lift my left arm yet to do it myself, he did a pretty good job! ♥

My comfy blanket from home, given to me by my coworkers in a gift basket when I left for surgery, so sweet! ♥

Our kitty’s hang out became overrun with my flower collection that continued to grow after I got home. So much support & love, I couldn’t be more grateful for it! ♥

My kiddos & I after returning home from surgery, notice the pillow for protection!

Feeling better! Ready for my first solo follow up visits! Yippee!